Hey there Blog,
I know. I haven't posted anything on you in a while, and you've been wondering where I am. I know you freak out when I don't check in. What can I say -- I've been busy.
What do you mean, "busy with what?" You know, life. Stuff. Whatnot. Day-to-day. But nothing very interesting, hence my lack of posting. I just haven't had a lot of funny dad stories to tell. The kid hasn't been that interesting lately, to be honest.
What, you don't believe me?
You know what, Blog? You need to chillax a little. I'm not "neglecting" you. Maybe you're just used to a lot of attention. Yea, I know I was posting on you every couple of days last summer, but that was then, ok? It was summer, we both needed someone, and it was like... I dunno, exciting, new. Time passes, right? Things change.
Jesus, I can't believe you just asked me that. No, I haven't started another blog somewhere else. Seriously? You think I'm cheating on you now? That's so your insecurity talking right now.
I promise, ok? I'm not posting somewhere else behind your back. I've just been --
--Hey, you know, I'm not the only one to blame for our problems, ok? Did you ever wonder if maybe some of this is your fault? Anybody ever tell you that emotional dependence isn't exactly the hottest quality ever? Neediness never made anyone more attractive, know what I'm saying? Seriously, Blog. When I started things up with you, I had no idea you'd be so high maintenance. It's like, all of a sudden you can't live on your own without constant care. Smother much?
Yea, yea, yea -- I know how often blogs are started and then ditched in the first six months. You're worried I'll stop posting, let you get run down, people will stop visiting, yaddah, yaddah, and then you'll shrivel up and become just another abandoned site. I get it, I hear you. But I've only been gone for like two weeks. If you can't frakkin' survive on your own for 14 days, then maybe you're the one with the problem.
Did you ever even stop to think that maybe I need a little less pressure, Blog? How about you try NOT breathing down my neck and making me feel like shit every time I go a week without posting something? Do I need that kind of guilt? It's like, who would consciously choose to have that in their life? What kind of relationship is built on that? A relationship is a two-way street. Yea, that's right, baby. I read that book Oprah recommended
Oh yea? Well screw you too.
Ok. ok. Maybe that was a little harsh.
Maybe I could've been a little more attentive lately. But even when I'm not around, it's not like I'm not thinking about you. Wondering how you're doing and stuff. And you don't notice, but I've been stopping by a lot. Sure, it's mainly been to check the comment log, but... hey, you know what? I'm a busy guy. And I don't need you sitting out there on the cyber-couch with your arms crossed, giving me that expression.
What do you mean, "What expression?" You know exactly what I'm talking about. Sitting back on your bloggy high horse, with your "Ooooh, Mr. Big Writer Man, with your talk talk talk and no follow-through." You think I don't feel that smirk, even when I'm not online? Yea, I know what that is. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME.
Maybe this is a sign. This isn't working. You're feeling neglected, and I'm feeling pressured. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you? I mean, Jesus -- it's not like we're married. We've only been going out for like, what -- four months? Maybe we should just, you know, be glad for the times we shared and call it done.
Sorry. Don't -- Ok, I'm sorry. Don't get upset.
I didn't mean it. Seriously, stop crying. No-- no, you're right. If I didn't want to be with you, I shouldn't have started you in the first place. I do want to be here.
Alright, alright. I'm, you know. Sorry and stuff. No, I mean it. I feel like shit now. It's my fault. I'm a dick sometimes. You know how I get.
No, I do want to make it work.
Hey, you know what let's do? Let's get you a spankin' new banner or something. Dress you up a little. Maybe get you a couple new gadgets? A shiny new site meter? You'll feel better, you'll see. I'll post something new, you'll get some hits, and everything will be cool again. You'll see. Trust me. I'm sorry. No seriously -- I'm feeling bad here. Let me make it up to you. Here watch, I'll start right now:
Hey everyone, I've got a really funny cute funny story about my daughter, her toy light saber, and our neighbor's shih tzu! Who's in??
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