Her: Daddy, I have a joke. Do you want to hear it?Me: Absolutely. Tell me a joke.
Her: You’re going to laugh so hard, it’s so funny! Are you ready?
Me: I’m ready. Lay it on me, Leno.
Her: Ok. These two dogs walk into a bar. I mean, wait – not dogs. Two men. There are two men, and they walk into a bar, and they have dogs. They both have dogs. I messed up before. And also, they’re blind.
Me: Who’s blind? The dogs are blind?
Her: Yes. I mean, no. Don't mess me up! Let me start over. There are two men who walk into a bar, and they’re blind, and they have dogs, and then there’s a bartender and the bartender says that there are no dogs allowed. Oh, and one dog is a Chihuahua. That’s really important, so don’t forget.
Me: One dog is a Chihuahua. Got it.
Her: So there are the two men, and the one dog who's not a Chihuahua, and the other dog that is a Chihuahua, and the bartender says........ wait. They walk into the bar and they say that they want beer. So they ask the bartender for beer, and the bartender says they don’t serve beer there.
Me: The bartender says they don’t serve beer at the bar?
Her: No, they…hold on. They do serve beer at the bar. But they don’t serve beer to dogs. I mean... wait, thats not right. What it actually is, is the bartender? He says they can't have dogs in the bar, unless they're the kind of dogs that help blind people. What are those dogs called again?
Me: Seeing-eye dogs.
Her: Yes! Seeing-eye dogs! The dogs are seeing-eye dogs, ok, that help the blind men with stuff, and the bartender says "No Dogs Allowed in This Bar!" And then one blind man says but this is my seeing-eye dog so it’s ok! And then the bartender says, "Nuh uh, that’s a CHIHUAHUA!!!!"
(Daughter collapses in hysterical laughter at own joke.)
Me: .........
Her: Do you get it?
Me: I'm not sure. I think I missed something.
Her: See, the second man is blind!!!
Me: No, I know. But I don’t… did you skip a part?
Her: No I didn't! It’s so funny!
Me: Ok.
Her: Why aren't you laughing?
Me: I am. I think I just got a little confused.
Her: See, ok, see, the two men are in the bar, but they’re blind, and so they can’t see! And the bartender says that the one dog is a Chihuahua, and the second man is all, "Chihuahua?" HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Daughter falls to the floor in a laughing fit.)
Me: Huh?
Her: Chihuahua!
Me: Um. Ohhhhhhh. Ok, sure. Sure, Chihuahua. Yea, Chihuahua! I get it! Boy, that’s a good one. Well done, kiddo.
Her: Don't you get it, Daddy?
Me: Oh, yea. I definitely get it. That’s really a good one.
Her: I don’t think you get it. Here, let me start over. There are two men, and they have dogs.
Me: And one of the dogs is a Chihuahua?
Her: DON'T MESS ME UP!
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I could hear that joke perfectly clear! I didn't understand the punchline either, but I still laughed my butt off. A good joke just has to make you laugh, right?
ReplyDeleteChihuahua! Hahhahahhahah! How could you not get that? That is so hilarious.
ReplyDeleteHey, I laughed. Great post. Very funny.
That's me telling a joke. Try this one on her:
ReplyDeleteThere was a string and he hopped into a bar...Bartender says, " We don't serve strings in this bar!" Glum, string hops out, sees a bum and says, "Hey man, tie me into a knot and unravel my ends, PLEASE." ('cause strings have good manners and help the homeless-see the lesson-ok, back to the point) The bum assists the string because he asked so nicely. Then, the string hops back into the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, aren't you that same string that was in here a second ago?" And the string replies, "No. I'm a frayed knot" Ha hahahahahahah Get it? Get it?!? It took me like 20 tries to get this joke down : ) Tell ye little pirate to keep up the good work!
Adorable.
ReplyDeleteThough, I tell jokes the in a similar fashion and it's decidedly less adorable.
LOL. That is awesome.
ReplyDeleteI heard that one before.. but they ordered whiskey. And one of the dogs was a terrier. And it was actually in a hair salon. Come to think of it, I didn't get that one either.
ReplyDeleteSD
simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com
So the bartender is blind? Or is the Chihuahua blind? Why are there no blondes or priests in this joke? It would have been better with blondes and priests.
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly how my daughter (10) tells jokes.
Hahaha! I don't get it either! She's so sweet! I can't tell a joke to save my life. I generally remember the punchline and can't remember how to get to it.
ReplyDeleteLong story jokes are just too damn hard to remember...
ReplyDeletetry this one.
A fish swam into a brick wall.
what did he say?
..."dam"
I think I get where she was trying to go with the joke, but missed.
ReplyDeleteTwo guys walk into a bar with their dogs, one is blind. Bartender says to them, "We don't allow dogs." Blind man says, "But I have a seeing eye dog." And bartender says, "Yeah, but your friend's dog isn't... it's a chihuahua." Blind man turns towards his friend and says, "Chihuahua?!?"
In other words, he didn't know what kind of dog his friend has and is now shocked/ laughing at his friend's girly type choice in dogs? Though honestly, most chihuahuas are so fiercely loyal to their person that they'll gnaw the legs off anyone that messes with him or her.
Mini P is working the timing out, that's all.
ReplyDeleteYour post illustrates why we gave our older daughter a sibling: The younger one will laugh at ANYTHING (and repeatedly), thus relieving us parents of the obligation.
ReplyDelete@Fragrant Lair: Absolutely. Even if the joke teller can't tell a joke to save her life.
ReplyDelete@James: You just illustrated the #1 rule of comedy: When in doubt, throw in a Chihuahua.
@Kitchen Witch: Love it. It's the exact type of joke the Mini-Pirate will love. Of course, it'll take her three years to tell it...
@Kristine: You just illustrated the #2 rule of comedy: if the material's weak, just let a kid handle it.
@jillsmo: She does have her moments...
@Simple Dude: Could it be that we're the reason the joke's not funny? Maybe my kid just needs a smarter audience.
@Big Daddy Autism: I agree completely. Blondes. Or priests. Or better yet, blond priests.
@Missing Pieces: But I bet when you were nine, you knocked jokes like this out of the park...
@Scuba Nurse: (snort) Heh. I like that one.
@Anonymous: Your version sounds more familiar. Now, you can be the one to correct the kid.
@Nicole: It's all in the timing. Luckily, she finds her own timing to be impeccable.
@Nibor: Very good point. It would be nice for the kid to hold another audience captive for a change.
Yes I laughed because it's your dog you get it? It's YOUR dog!!!
ReplyDeleteA man walks into a... bar... hahahahaha... hold on... so he like walks... snicker... like into this bar and he.. and he says... "OW!" HAA! HAHAHAHA!!!
ReplyDeleteAs you can see, it's apparent your daughter and my nephew trained at the same comedy dojo.
It just occured to me that there are two types of people.
ReplyDelete1. People who laugh at their own jokes.
2. People who laugh at their messed up jokes.
The people in the number 2 category, such as your daughter, are way cooler.
Ahmahgahd. She is a comedy genius.
ReplyDeleteI was totally like her as a kid. It also took me, like, four hours too long to come up with a good comeback to the dickheads in my class ... damn it.
Get her karate lessons.
i think i work with your daughter! couple of them, in fact. must be, must be.
ReplyDeletewe work in a pet shop.
rahahahahaha! get it? GET IT?
ah, is ok.
neither do i.
I have heard that joke before!
ReplyDeleteHere's how it's SUPPOSED to go:
Two men want to go in a bar, but they have their dogs with them. (One of them is a chihuahua; the other is a german shepard.) Dogs aren't allowed in the bar, but the men want to go in, so the one with the german shepard says "Just follow me and do what I do".
Man with german shepard: "I'd like a beer."
Bartender: "I'm sorry, dogs aren't allowed in this bar."
Man with german shepard: "This is my seeing-eye dog."
Bartender: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize. That's okay then."
So then the guy with the chihuahua goes up and makes his order.
Bartender: "I'm sorry sir, pets aren't allowed in this bar."
Guy with chihuahua: "Oh, this is my seeing-eye dog."
Bartender: "Seriously? A chihuahua?"
Guy with chihuahua: "They gave me a chihuahua?!"
:)
Hope that cleared things up.
I used to work with a guy who always made harelip jokes. I guess there was an era in which that was fashionable, and he was a throwback to that era. Maybe Mini-P could try to bring that back.
ReplyDeleteI love the jokes that kids tell. They are just fun, something quite endearing about them.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad I read this (hilarious) post after Deidra commented. Full circle, baby. Mystery solved.
ReplyDeleteBecause seriously, I would've been thinking about that damn chihuahua joke all day.
There may be nothing better in the world than a good giggle-fit.
ReplyDeleteI was like that. In fact, when I'm drunk, I still am. And all my jokes...are crap. Usually they are of the "There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead..." or "There was a white guy, a black guy, and a chinese guy". Sigh. I know. I'm badass.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious.
Is it just me or did Deirdra up there ruin the mystique?
ReplyDeleteI was under the impression that your daughter was laughing because the guys were blind... I thought she was being edgy and controversial.
@Miss Nikki: But.. but.. we don't have a dog? I still don't get it.
ReplyDelete@Vinny C: Yea, but either of them come up with "comedy dojo?" Ha! I don't think so.
@dbs: Being type #2 definitely you get to walk around amused at yourself a lot -- or at least, that's what it seems to mean for her. And me, frankly.
@Sarah P: She could be the first Ninja Comic, if I subject her to the right alternating influence of humor and karate...
@Kage: Heh. See how many forms comedy can come in?
@Deidra: Doh! Spoiler! Just kidding.
@Beta: I'm so afraid that that'll be her next step: making fun of other people. Luckily, she'll probably mess up those punchlines too, so no one will know what the hell she's talking about.
@Jack: True. I do think her version has its own unique flair.
@Nicki: It's good to hear the right version -- now you can choose which one you tell your own friends. (Just expect weird looks if you go with my daughter's way.)
@Liza: I'm with you. I could use one myself right now.
@otherwordlyone: I should probably mention that my daughter was HAMMERED when she told the joke to me. (Just kidding.)
@Kev D: That would've given a whole new slant on the whole joke, I agree...
I definitely don't get the joke, but I'm still laughing hysterically. LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteYou obviously have never seen the educational movie "Road Trip"? It's a must, see it then you'll get it. Get it then you'll see it.
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
ReplyDeleteAlso, filthy as hell. You need to find out where she heard that.
Try this one out on her. I made this one up. (I think.)
ReplyDeleteQ: What's brown and has wings?
A: Poop. I lied about the wings.
*curtsy*
That's good stuff.. My kids love the Knock Knock Who's There jokes. They always say "banana" and I go "banana who?" and then they start going off of stuff like.. "glad i didn't say fan, didn't say cup, didn't say shower, didn't say alternator" or whatever the heck they can see while they tell their joke.. I'll tell them to add the chihuahua.
ReplyDeleteA Priest, a Rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this some kind of a joke or something?" HAHAHAHA! I crack myself up sometimes. Much like your little girl. That was good stuff. Make sure you keep this post somehow so that when she's older and has kids of her own, you can show her where her kids get it from!
ReplyDeleteThe joke was funny but clearly would have been much better if you would just quit messing her up.
ReplyDeleteSounds like how Little sis tells knock-knock jokes!
ReplyDeleteKnock Knock!
Who's there?
Door.
Door who?
I'm adorable.
??
Then peals of sreeching laughter as she runs out of the room.
So did they get beers or what?
ReplyDeleteO! M! G! I! AM! PEEING! My! PANTS!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat's FUNNY!!!
For some reason this reminded me of the Louis CK routine, which I think is on youtube if you search for 'Louis CK why?' -- hilarious.
ReplyDeleteunfortunately i tell jokes like your daughter.
ReplyDelete