Soon I hope to fill this month with posts that are chockful of Didactic Wack, because there's a lot going on -- we're emerging from holiday chaos, the wife and kid are already proving to be even weirder in 2011 than they were in 2010, school is starting soon, and I'm enjoying some truly inspiring rejection letters for my short fiction. Good stuff.
But today, hop on the link below and you'll get to my latest over at DadCentric: the most recent battle of wills between me and the Mini-Pirate. It's like Thunderdome.
*
My nine-year-old daughter is playing contentedly in her room. I am puttering around the house. I walk through the front hall and stumble on a pair of pink sneakers with super-sparkly laces.
Me (calling upstairs): Kiddo, will you come down and put your shoes away please?
Her: Ok, Daddy.
(Five minutes pass. I walk through the front hall again.)
Me: Child. Please. Come down here and take your shoes upstairs so people don’t trip on them.
Her: Can't you just move them?
Me: No, I can't just move them. They're your shoes.
Her: But I’m in the middle of something important.
Me: What, you're in the middle of a teleconference? Get down here and Put. Your. Shoes. Away.
Her: Ok.
Me (voice raising slightly): Now.
Her: I said ok!
Me: Saying ok isn't the same thing as doing it. Please do it.
Her: I will!
(I wait at the bottom of the stairs, listening for movement. I know what she's doing. She's up there sprawled on the floor, reading comic books. Just as I’m about to get loud for real, I hear floorboards squeaking. Whew.)
That's not the end.
Click here to read the whole post.
Posts
girls rule!
ReplyDeletesorry d...
Why aren't we allowed to beat kids anymore?
ReplyDeleteSo unfair.
"New crew members," or "hostages"? I know how you pirate types operate.
ReplyDeleteHeading over to DC.
I feel your pain. I have two beautiful demons of the female persuasion in my household and your last statement here "That's not the end" will, unfortunately, be forever true.
ReplyDeleteAhh haaa. Thanks for letting me know it's not just my child. From reading several bits of parenting advice, I'd gathered that 'one must explain their reasoning to a child for best results', to which I add, "did they ever raise one of 'em?" because I never got good results just really breathless from all the wordiness and frustration. I'm a big fan of parental responses such as "NUH UHH", "Whatev", and "BECAUSEISAIDSO!" Those phrases are not beneath me : )
ReplyDeleteThe youth of today, bring back the birch I say. Loving the blog as a newcomer!
ReplyDeleteOkay. I will. Whatever. Ad Infinitum.
ReplyDeleteStay away from the Plank, Pirate!
Hi there! Only an older gentleman or an English professor says "putter around" unless you're talking about minature golf.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks, I just had a vision of my future. My 2 year old already says "Not yet!" when I ask her to do something.
In the classic words of the internet:
ReplyDelete"You've just been PWNED"
(whoa. Blogspot lets me use my Wordpress account name now. I feel as if I've changed identities while commenting on your blog. Eeexcellent.)
My 16 year old daughter recently phoned me from our family room downstairs to inquire as to whether or not I would bring her an apple.
ReplyDeleteIt's only going to get worse.
ahaha! loved the full piece.
ReplyDeleteI remember using the power of "whatever" against my own mother and only recall her addressing my tone, rather than the horrible word itself.
10 points to you for adressing it
20 to kiddo for derailing 101.
A kids time frame to the word "now" varies wildly from a parents definition. Some things never change I see. (As my kiddies are adults now)
ReplyDeleteUm, why did you ASK? When you ask a child to do something, you are giving her the option to say no. Children are savvy and brilliant creatures and know how to play the game of semantics better than most adults.
ReplyDeleteWhatever, dude.
ReplyDelete